Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
