You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
