So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon