you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
