is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
