These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
