probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
