i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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