Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
