dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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