WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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