You just made me feel so damn special
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
