I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
