you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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