Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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