i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
