Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
