No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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