My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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