That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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