I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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