so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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