i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
