At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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