Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
