So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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