Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
