my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
