Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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