I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
