I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Randomize
