there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
