My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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