afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
