yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
