Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
