We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
