Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
