it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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