you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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