Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need moral support for this bender
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
