So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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