she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
