Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize