You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
