It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
