k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.