also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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