better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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