All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
