I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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