can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
