i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
