Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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