i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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