you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?