The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.