You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
