Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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