Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
