just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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