Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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