im six kinds of drunk right now
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
